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Hey Blog

SO the last two months I went off my diet. I'm struggling quite a big with it mentally. I've enjoyed my indulgences but I think it's time to get back to it. I wanted my body to get of the plateu its been on and hopefully I've eaten enough crap to do it. I've just eaten one of my major fat foods - osem croutons- and now it's time to get back on the horse.

This weekend I'm home and it's my cousins bat mitzvah so I won't be able to eat well, but it'll good to back into the rhythm. I think tomorrow I'll do salad and a ready meal and then I'll way in next Sunday/Monday.

I think one decision to make is whether to use myfitnesspal or just a plain calorie counter. I think I'll go with a plain calorie counter.

I wish my Mum was as nocturnal as I am

I've got a job interview on Tuesday and I'm really unsure about whether I want the job. I had therapy this morning and I wanted to go for it but now I don't know - I was certain when I though I was going to get a pay rise.

-It's music teaching, which is obviously very relevant to what I want to do
Con - I always said I didn't want to be a music teacher

Pro- It's confirmed hours and it fits my schedule
Con - It's confirmed hours meaning no impromptu time off or headstart

Pro- it's a promotion
Con - more responsibility for the same pay (around £100 for 1 and 1/2 days)

Pro - I'll know where I'm going each week
Con - I'll have lesson plans to prepare

Pro - Fridays off
Con - More prep

I wish I could talk to my mum but it's midnight

I think I'm going to go ahead with the interview - but I've got to prep for that and I really don't want it to ruin my holiday.

Urgh, I'll ring her tomorrow...

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I just gave away all my fat clothes to the local charity shop. It filled a small suitcase. A year and a half in the making guys.

After therapy yesterday I decided to hold on to one of my "clown pants" trousers. They don't look awful but man do they stretch out :)


I've been doing my music therapy pre-clinical placement at a special needs school, to give some background.

Today was such an interesting one. I had my penultimate music group and I brought the cello in to gauge how the children will respond. Lo and behold, they actually responded to it just as nicely as the keyboard/voice/percussion combo. When I wanted to change, I just altered my way of playing, I just didn't feel the need to change instrument at all. I was so worried about not having the vocabularly or ability to improvise on the cello for so long and it turns out I'm completely capable of doing so. I did a solo improv on it in class the day before the first group, and I felt frustrated in my own inability to make the notes I wanted, that I decided against bringing it, but even at that point, I was told that my improv was 'on another level' and 'very expressive', it just wasn't as musical as I wanted it to be. Since then, I've had some really interesting times improvising with the cello. The best one (apart from today ) was during the exhibition where everybody else gravitated to percussion instruments, and I suddenly realised I was the only harmonic instrument in the room, and I couldn't play a 'wrong' note.

There were some limitations to the cello, in that I do still squeak a bit (although the kids didn't mind), the movement isn't quite as smooth between instruments, so I didn't feel I couldn't pick up any percussion, although you can use it percussively. The main issue is I still have difficulty using the voice in conjunction with the cello, which was a big issue in the solo improv above. I did sing at times, but it did alter my movement on the cello, i.e. the first singing I did was picking the open strings into chords, and then moving between two notes, or singing above a single note. I think the main thing is to just keep singing and playing, as it didn't feel natural the first time I sang and played the piano, but now, it's something I'm experienced at doing, so it feels freeer, more normal I suppose. I'm working on arranging 'One day like this' for cello and voice, I have a nice local open mic night to go to, and I've got the summer to really work on my playing.

I also should probably learn my hello song on the cello (it's in G so it shouldn't be too hard), as that's the only thing I used the keyboard for today ;D

Here's a picture of a quagsire, just because.

Things I did today...

Had a cheder meeting about Purim - I now need to 'borrow' the pink cowboy hat from my parents house. I love how kid friendly my religion is.

Went to the gym - got to 6.2 on the treadmill and 12.5 on the cross-trainer. Go me.

Got my hair to follow of course (I also got my eyebrows did, so all pictures of my face are a bit pink and scary right now). I'm loving this whole physical transformation thing. I went in for a trim but it turns out half my hair at the bottom was pretty dead, so I went for a whole new look.

Spit into a tube. I signed up to become a possible bone marrow donor. I know it's kind of crazy, but jews aren't allowed to be organ donors, but we do say the best charity is selfless and anonymous. The rabbi posted on the jsoc facebook that there's a kid in the community with cancer and they need ashkenazi donor (eastern european jews) so I figured I'd go for it. I'm hoping nothing comes of it, but what will be will be I guess.


I don't really know what to say about tonight except, people seemed to think I was beautiful. Mostly gay guys, but a girl grabbed my number so I guess that helps.

Erm, I'm exhausted so excuse me, but although I've been full of positivity in the changes in my body, I don't think I'd really relinquished the 'fat girl' mentality and accepted that others might see those changes. Anyway, here's a before and after photo of me. Peace.

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